I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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