Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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