That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
