I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
