It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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