there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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