i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
