How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
