glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
