the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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