a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
