why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
