I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
