Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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