Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
