I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
