My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
