Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
