Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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