But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
