I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize