your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just threw up on my dentist
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
