Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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