Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
