I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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