It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
