i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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