Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Someone came in the potted fern
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
