you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
