After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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