I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
