He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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