You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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