Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
