I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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