The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
