oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize