I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
