so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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