im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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