I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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