she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
