you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am available for nakedness
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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