he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize