Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
