I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
