I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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