I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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