Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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