You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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