I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
