I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
