honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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