i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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