70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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