Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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