Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
