so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
