I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize