SEEEEXXX PLEASE
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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