so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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