Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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