I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
