Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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