I wanna bring you to show and tell
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize