she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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