for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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