We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize