Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
