drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
