I will die if light touches me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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