I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize