Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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